That old draining feeling again!
26 Aug 2012
Just a quick catch up as I've had morphine and beef stew up to my eyeballs and will fall asleep soon over this hot little iPad.
My transfer here on Saturday could have been smoother - bit like Clint Dempsey trying to leave Fulham for a bigger club ( as if there's such a thing). When I arrived I was expecting surgery this weekend but was told I wasn't on their list even for Tuesday. 'Where's your drain?' they asked. I haven't got one in, I told them. 'But your notes say you have'. And on it went. It was like starting from scratch and I just wanted to be back at the lovely Marsden or be allowed home.
The wards were 6 bed and very cramped and all in all the business got the better of me and the tears spilled. Well, I've never tried to gain advantage this way but it did at least get me put into a side ward (result: best rest for ages). Eventually after new batches of blood samples etc we got there. By which time I was extremely breathless, hardly able to walk but could at least retreat into my private cave to growl and lick my wounds.
I had a very rough night from about 3am with fever and sweats and extreme breathlessness. I felt I was drowning in my own phlegm. But as the morning went on I felt better, thanks to Chrissy stoically coming in early to bring love and support.
This afternoon I had a second lung drain. Not dramatic volumes but if it turns out to be an infected pocket of fluid it could make a big difference. To me though it didn't seem enough to reexpand the lung ( which remains largely collapsed and is causing the breathlessness). The surgeon visited and said its a 50% chance the drain will be enough. If not, bigger surgery - cut not keyhole - for Tuesday is planned. As there's not much fluid there, I'm not convinced that will do it, but he seemed confident.
Basic problem - and the big truth that's hard to face - is that the real problem is the deterioration of the cancer which has turned my left lung into a quagmire. Surgery won't change that. It leaves prospect of a life with limited activity and - my big fear - no exercise or cycling and little resource to fight the underlying cancer.
Anyway, that's jumping ahead. I feel quite comfortable now and am hoping for a fever-free restful night and that I can stay on in the side-room and get some more good healing sleep.
Hospital food report: Royal Brompton is good and they're trying hard to make it healthy. But not quite up to the Royal Marsden, although considerably better than Kingston. Are their jobs as hospital food critics?
User Comments
Search this website
Julie Kissick - 26 Aug 2012
Thoughts
I'm so annoyed that you are having to face this upheaval Mike. Brings back memories of what my mum went through. Why does this happen? I hope the people in power read your blog because this happens to too many people. I do hope you get a good sleep & that tomorrow is less emotional for you. Thinking of you x
Sheila - 26 Aug 2012
Sleep tight
Try not to jump too far ahead, Mike, and never mind the tears. They're important and necessary. Rest as best you can, sleep tight - and hang on to that side-room. It's worth its weight in gold.
Sheila
Fiona Montague - 26 Aug 2012
Keep positive!
Hi Mike, take one hour, one day at a time, you deserve the very best care, and frustrated you don`t appear to be getting this ....just hope this improves as the bank holiday is over, and things will kick in much quicker I`m sure.
Hope the menu is better than the usual conferences you have attended :) ....Take good care, and will keep logging on to make sure progress is being made much love Fiona and Maurice x
Geoff Barton - 26 Aug 2012
Jumping ahead
Mike
As Sheila says, that's enough jumping ahead.
Your blog remains immensely moving and inspiring, and I just wish we could reciprocate by taking a little of the anguish away from you and Chrissy for a while.
But we can't. All we can do is send our best wishes, our prayers and our huge admiration.
Looking forward to the next instalment.
Geoff
Richard S - 26 Aug 2012
Keep pedalling....
...(as John Mahoney used to say!) thoughts are with you Mike and hoping your week continues to improve
Adrian Everitt - 26 Aug 2012
hang in there
Jeez, Mike, just reading the daily instalments is getting to be a rough ride! Hold on tight, and keep your hopes up. At every twist or turn, you have to make the best of the latest situation. (Which, fortunately, you seem pretty good at! You always did have a healthy stubbornness, of course!)
Love and thoughts to you, Chrissy, Rachel and Louise (crossing my fingers I've remembered the kids' names right!)
Ade
Rebecca Hanson - 26 Aug 2012
Life without cycling and limited activity.
I can highly recommend the former and I dream enviously of some of the latter.
The internet is wonderful liberation and requires neither cycling nor strenuous effort. For example over on this discussion I'm getting to teach both Gove (in cunning disguise as the hard man off Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy) and the huge "teacher" star of the internet oldandrew (who has a disturbingly Woodheadesque quack academic demeanour) a little about education. http://www.localschoolsnetwork.org.uk/2012/08/our-poor-gcse-students-victims-of-the-whims-of-ignorant-politicians/#comment-22798
Like your op Mike the next stage of the Ofspare saga is in doubt. It seemed to be coming on but it's all wrong so I've junked it. I also have doubts about whether it's something which I should actually do but I suspect I need to see how it evolves...
Fran Ryan - 26 Aug 2012
Well wishes
The trouble with hospitals is that they have seen it all before and don't understand that this is about you. Loved ones have to be there to help to keep you strong and fight the battles at least that was my experience. Keep strong, every best wish goes to you and the family x.
sylvie - 26 Aug 2012
be brave
I can only sympathise with you. I hate hospitals and hospital food. I always wondered how they managed to produce such insipid food, if not plainly disgusting (the other side of the channel is no better). That reminds me an anecdote. My last child was allergic to milk and eggs and finally when for at least the ninth time we tried at Ealing Hospital (she was 8) and she did not have an immediate allergic reaction we carried on and finally she had a whole plate of scrambled eggs to finish. She found it repulsive and was put off scrambled eggs for years. It is only recently she tried the lovely eggs cooked by her mother (she is now 15) and she loved them. You need strength and good food. Your family and friend are allowed to bring you food you know.
Now about the stupidity of the system as you have experienced I have hundreds of stories. You are unfortunately not alone to have to endure the rigidity of it. I must admit I find utterly incredible that people supposed to have rest are packed in wards of 6. One of my friends was recently trying to recover after major surgery in a ward of 5 beds. As I was visiting her she became highly emotional and started to cry; I pulled the curtains to give us a bit of privacy just to be told of by the nurse. Cramped wards are just passable when you have to spend the night but are not acceptable in the modern world. I have to say that in France they don't exist anymore (maximum bed in public hospitals: 2, except in major ITU where all patients need to be in plain sight for immediate action if needed) and since I have started to work here 12 years ago I haven't been able to understand why there was not a major change here.
Be brave
Lots of love
Réka Pataky - 26 Aug 2012
Dearest Mike .... i have just checked your blog again after a while as i just got back from Hungary after 3 weeks. I hope things are starting to get better and the infection will go. It sounds like you had more than a fair share so it is really time it has gone now.
Last week I was biking around the Lake Balaton with my friend Lisa and we had a laugh talking about how hard work our Welsh ride was, but you must have been in agony with all that fluid.
Just to say you are absolutely fantastic how you are handling it all... I am sure you will get back on that bike in time
loads of love for you and Chrissy
keeping all my fingers crossed too
Andy Bryan - 27 Aug 2012
Good grief
Dear Mike,
Every time I read your blog I wonder how you find the strength to write it. And here was I telling you my memories of The Brompton were marvellous for my mum. I suppose it was 15 years ago. You deserve much better consideration in there.Lots of love and luck to you and Chris. Andy x
Lesley Killin - 27 Aug 2012
Inch by Inch
I read something once which said 'Inch by Inch, life's a cinch, yard by yard it's very hard'. Can't remember who said it and when but when times get tough, I repeat it to myself and it does help. None of us can live your life for you but it is important that you take comfort from knowing you have a whole army of support out there sending our vibes of love and positivity. How you manage to keep writing is an inspiration in itself. Much love from us all, and to Chrissy and the girls as well. xxx
Gareth and Alison Weekes - 27 Aug 2012
Message from the Blackdown Hills
Hi Mike
We looked out for you and Chrissy at Clayhidon’s church barbecue yesterday and heard you were back in hospital, which we can see from the blog doesn’t even hint at what you’re having to endure.
Everyone who knows you down here in the Blackdowns is willing you to get better. Lovely to listen to all the Daily Mail and Telegraph readers speaking so highly of a Guardian man – you would have blushed.
We keep making vague “come for supper” promises, but when you have got through this latest phase we hope you’ll be well enough to make it down to our place. There’s a couple we want you both to meet.
Good luck, Mike.
Gareth and Alison Weekes
alison peacock - 27 Aug 2012
An inspiration
I admire your stength and your honesty. Your blog is so powerful and important. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us all. Your story is an inspiration. Good luck with the next step on Tuesday. I shall be thinking of you.
Allison Allen - 27 Aug 2012
Hard to be brave! Get angry instead, Mike..... Focus on that cancer - imagine (picture it) it getting weaker, smaller as your cells hit it - it's a technique that works. You've so many people in your corner willing you to win this.
Graham Game - 27 Aug 2012
x
Thinking of you Mike - hang on in there
Brother in law, don't let the hospital regimes get you down! Nick has just got a new racer bike & I've got a new hybrid so wer'e looking forward to riding with you down at Clayhidon. xx
Steve Taylor - 27 Aug 2012
Willing you on..
Be strong, Mike, this is just another blip to have to get through. We are all willing you through this. With our love and prayers, Deb & Steve
JULIET and NIGEL - 27 Aug 2012
Tuesday
Best of luck for your op Mike, hopefully this will be the first step to getting back on your bike! we look forward to reading more of your inspiring blog soon.
We'll be thinking of you. Lots of love to you all.
Juliet and Nigel XX
Paul Topping - 27 Aug 2012
Blog
Keep bright, Mike. Wondered what your take on the (Lance) Armstrong story is?
Paul
Andy Day - 27 Aug 2012
Steep Hill - Use Low Gear
Hope you're coming through the op and out the other side Mike. Your pieces for Eduation Guardian have always been valued for their insight, intelligence and sheer humanity. Here's hoping to many more of them. Went out cycling the lanes of East Yorkshire this morning (mid 50's post holiday resolution with wife to keep fit and eat healthily). Carried you in mind throughout. Don't know if cycling by proxy is any good - but the fields were a mix of wheat awaiting combining, stubble fields and damp soil already up-ended. Combined aroma of summer straw and autumn earth under a grey cloudy sky still carrying the warmth of August but with the hints of a season shift. Hope you're soon up and able to appreciate it all for yourself.
Andy Day
David McCann - 27 Aug 2012
Woodies
Dear Mike
Your friends and fellow "woodies" at Boundary Barn send you our best wishes for tomorrow. We look forward to seeing you back at the workbench,plane in hand,as soon as you are able.Don't worry about lifting that mighty slab of oak you are working on - we'll all be there to lend a hand.
David McCann
Elisabeth Abrahams - 27 Aug 2012
Greetings from California!
Hello from California! We are both entertained and admiring of your continued good humor in the face of such discomfort, Mike. We're with you all the way. Sending our love and our prayers. Liz & Joe Abrahams
John Dunford - 27 Aug 2012
Keep pedalling!
We're keeping up with your blog, Mike, and thinking of you a lot. It's great to be able to share your progress through your vivid and witty descriotions. It sounds as if you have hit a tough part of the journey and need to pedal even harder to maintain forward momentum.
I hate the smell of hospitals - seemingly a combination of gravy and disinfectant - and I hate hospital food even more than that. So my sympathies are very much with you on that score.
Good luck tomorrow!
Warmest regards,
John and Sue
Neville Coles - 27 Aug 2012
From the foot of The Blackdowns in Combe
Mike
Best wishes from the foot of The Blackdowns - back to school next week after great exam results. All good. I am still waiting for the bike ride and chat in Combe - I have listened to you and read your common sense over many years - get to Combe and we can talk education and life!
penny - 27 Aug 2012
sending strength and warmth
Our thoughts are with you Mike. Hope that Chrissie is able to bring you lovely food and that now each day will bring new strength and positive energy. We start a new project in a retirement home next week. Not a hospital but nevertheless an institution. We are listening to your thoughts and together with my own experience, will attempt to de-institutionalise the space with large images and texts just a little. Our exhibition shows octogenarians up to someone of 102 'winking'.. somehow with a wink the tables are turned and residents are empowered in an individual and non institutional way. Large scale winks are even more effective, especially on dining room walls!
Stay strong Mike. Penny and Carl x x
Bonnie - 28 Aug 2012
Big hugs from the U.S.
Hey, Mike! I'm sending you huge waves of love and support from the U.S. Your stories cross all kinds of borders, and I'm so very grateful to be keeping in touch with this way. Thank you for giving all of us a better understanding and the chance to share in your travails, even from a distance.
Bonnie xoxo
Melanie Sibthorp - 28 Aug 2012
hang on in there
Stay strong Mike, you can do it. Best of luck for today, we'll be thinking of you and sending all our love. Love to Chris Louise and Rachel too, from the Sibs. xx
Anne Kealy - 28 Aug 2012
Thinking of you
Hi Mike,
Just to let you know we are all thinking of you and sending you our love and warmest wishes. I hope to goodness they are making you more comfortable and you haven't had to endure another awful night like the one described - Appalling!- Thank Goodness for Chrissy, send her our best, if she needs anything done down here while you are in hospital, do tell her to get in touch.
lots of love
Anne xxx
Emily Selvadurai - 28 Aug 2012
Our thoughts are with you
Our love and best wishes to you Mike. We think about you & talk about you all the time. Here's hoping you've had a better night with some restful sleep. Really glad you are in a side ward. Throw as many tantrums as you can - to get the best possible care and attention. You are an all round nice guy & deserve the best - always. Lots of love to you, Chrissy & the girls. Emily and David xxx
John O'Leary - 28 Aug 2012
Thinking of you
Hi Mike
Have you thought of a hospital food league table? Hopefully, you won't be in long enough to compile one. Really sorry to hear about the setback but you're strong enough to recover. You'll be back in the West Country in time to enjoy an Indian summer.
Best of luck,
John
SchoolDuggery - 28 Aug 2012
Willing you on
You are in the thoughts of all edunerds, Mike. We're missing your wise thoughts on Ofqual and the rest. But most of all, we want you to get better, be out of hospital and home with those you love. I hope the op happens today and gets you a step closer to that goal.
Sean Coughlan - 28 Aug 2012
Sounds like you're going through a tough stretch. We're all wishing you well from your old haunts at TVC. We're moving out in a couple of weeks, so you need to be up and about to see the new place in BH.
best as ever,
Sean
Huw Marks - 28 Aug 2012
Just back from holiday and catching up - you have obviously been through the wars but your strength is inspirational. Good luck and speak soon.
julie scheers - 28 Aug 2012
Sending you and the family our warmest thoughts.
Nicola Sugden - 29 Aug 2012
hard graft and hospital food
Morning Mike, I hope this one dawns with some more room for breath in the dodgy lung. Its tough work being a patient, thoughts of Mo Farrah saying achievements are down to grafting..well we don't get any choice but grafting you are certainly doing, and no doubt will continue to to get some more breath back.
A hospital food anecdote -during my second admission in a month ( 2 years ago) I was desperate about the food - coeliac =starvation. A friend appeared with hot box, harbouring two baked potatoes, and then all the trimings emerged from her handbag..grated cheese, salt, pepper, butter etc. I cried!! Nurses not impressed and said she shouldn't be doing it, its an infection risk - to which my not insubstanital friend simply smiled and they knew there was no way short of physical violence by a bunch of security guards that they could stop her!
eeee we laughed ( v painful!!).
best wishes Nicola
Andrew Bordiss - 29 Aug 2012
Good luck
Morning Mike. Keep up the stoicism, humour and I'm sure a big future as a food critic awaits (surely you've been served a few meals in schools through your career??) Thinking of you. Andy and Debs Bordiss
Maddie McGowan - 29 Aug 2012
Hi again
Dear Mike, sending you every possible goodwill - hang in there xx
Mark Slade - 30 Aug 2012
Home
Dear Mike
Welcome home I hope your discharge from the Brompton went well. Trust you to pick a hospital named after a bike! All our love and best wishes to you Chrissy and Louise and Rachel. Mark and Gerry xx
Simon Gallimore - 01 Sep 2012
Good wishes
Just to send you you very best wishes from me. Lovely day for cycling here in Paris. I think Helene and I will go for a spin in the woods tomorrow. We shall be thinking of you. Bon courage!